Surfs Not Up

The Pavilion Restaurant Pier, Edisto Island, SC

Started up, went down, back up, still up.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/08: 237

79,000 Doves Cry

We got up at 5:00 AM and headed southeast, destinations: Dorchester, Ridgeville, Summerville, Summerville, Ravenel, Hollywood, Edisto Island, Adams Runs, Jacksonboro, Cottageville and Round O.

Just before crossing the bridge over the intercoastal waterway in the South Carolina Low Country at the intersection of No and Where, the Emperor ticked past the seventy-nine thousand mile mark. Somewhere within 25 miles either way of that event a young male bluejay tufted titmouse committed suicide by flying right in front of us. He was given an un-proper burial (i.e. dumped) under a bush along the side of the Adams Run, SC Post Office.

I didn’t listen to the ballgame on Thursday or Friday and the FRS beat the MFY. I watched the game yesterday afternoon and they lost. Tonight they are playing on ESPN and I figured that if I didn’t watch they might win like Thursday or Friday. I’m listening on the internet and that might be the wrong thing to do too, as the Yankees are up 1 to 0 in the second. Maybe I should quit listening… Nine o’clock on USA are new episodes of Law & Oder: Criminal Intent, followed by In Plain Sight.

Oh, word of advice, if you live on a hill and your neighbor has a pool, don’t forget to set your parking brake.

Started up, went down, back up, still up.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/08: 235

The End of G.A.B.B.

G.A.B.B. 7 in 1998 was the last time we did it. What started as a fun thing to do for a few fellow co-workers had turned into a chore. What was one day a year turned into 4 different days for the four different start times. There was all the arranging for t-shirts and breakfast, finding someone to ferry in the goodies and other people’s clothing, arranging to borrow bikes for people who didn’t have one of their own, etc. so I was looking for an excuse to stop doing it when the perfect one dropped in my lap.

Willie worked in the back of the plant and on a slightly earlier start and end time because of his job, so at quitting time for him, the rest of the plant was still hard at work. Maybe someone took exception to Willie rolling his bicycle through the plant on his way home and complained to HR. Or maybe it was an office person from up front complained about Donna and my bicycles parked in our respective cubicles, we never got the full story, but in the fall of 1998 a bike rack was placed outside near the entrance and bicycles were no longer allowed in the building. Having had my fair share of bicycles stolen from racks in my lifetime I refused to ride to work and take a chance on it happening again.

When I informed HR in the spring of 1999 that I wouldn’t be doing the ride that year because their rack wasn’t big enough to hold the 12-15 bicycles of the riders and I didn’t want to have to round up that many bicycle locks, they offered an exception for the event. I declined the offer.

Started down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/08: 232

Gabby

Another thing I stuffed in people’s mailboxes was my version of the Get to ASCO By Bike FAQ in the model of a Dear Abby column:

Gabby: When is this GABB thing?
Dear Inquiring Mind: This year it is Friday, May 19th, for the 8 o’clock people and Friday, June 23rd, for the 7 o’clock crowd. As in the past, we will leave from the driveway of Brian & Donna Bogardus’s home one hour subsequent to work starting.

Gabby: I live a long way from the there. Do I have to ride my bike all the way there, and then turn around and ride 6-1/2 more miles to work?
Dear Farout: No, your best bet is to toss the bike in the trunk and drive over to 778 Boardman Road. If you ride the extra miles you will burn enough calories to eat an extra doughnut guilt free upon arrival at ASCO, but you will probably be the subject of scorn and ridicule from the other riders. Jealousy is an ugly thing.

Gabby: What if I get to work and decide that 6-1/2 miles of bike riding is all any sane person should attempt in one day? How do I get home?
Dear One-way: We will have a Star Trek style transporter available to beam you and your bike back to Boardman Road. Technology is not cheap though. Even with the company subsidizing 50% of the cost, you will still need a cool half-a-million bucks to take advantage of this service. There is a cheaper solution though, bum a ride after work with a co-worker to Boardman Road where you get in your car, drive back to ASCO and get your bike. Or find someone with a pickup truck to take you and your bike back to the start. Or get to work and sell the bike to some sucker and use the money for cab fare.

Gabby: What clothes should I wear when riding the bike?
Dear Fashionable: Skin tight shiny lycra stuff is not needed, but the padding that comes with bike specific shorts will be entirely welcome on the ride home. Comfortable shorts and a T-shirt are just fine. The usual shoes, socks and skivvies are optional but would be a nice touch. I would love to see everyone wearing a bicycle helmet. But if you don’t have one and want one, no big deal, we’ve got a couple of extra 2 quart saucepans that can be duct taped to your noggin.

Gabby: Will I get all sweaty and stinky?
Dear Dainty: Yes, you will probably perspire a small amount. As for being stinky… Not really, unless you subscribe to the bathing once a month is enough theory and normal shower day is the 20th. Wait at least 15 minutes after you have arrived at work, this gives the body a chance to stop sweating, then wet one half of a hand towel and take it into a stall in the appropriate gender’s rest room and wipe down with the wet end and dry off with the other.

Gabby: Combining the above 2 questions I have concluded that I will have to spend my workday attired in sweaty shorts ensemble. Ewwww!
Dear Fashionably Dainty: You could buy a $35 rack for your bike and spend another $50 on fancy bike bags so that you could carry a change of clothing. Or you could tie your work pants and shirt to the seat tube and tape your tie and belt to the ends of the handlebars . Just bring your work clothes and/or lunch in a bag because we will have a vehicle to carry your stuff to the plant.

Gabby: You ride your bike to work all the time and I hear it takes you less than a half an hour to get there. With me being a novice at this cycling thing it will probably take me a lot longer. You’re not going to take off at the halfway mark and leave me cycling alone in an unfamiliar part of town are you?
Dear Neophyte: No, this is only an exhibition, not a competition, so please no wagering. We are doing this for the fun of it, so we will ride as slow as the slowest rider. But if you are so slow that it jeopardizes our arrival to ASCO on time you will be asked to grab hold of the bumper of a passing vehicle to help speed things along.

Gabby: As Templeton the Rat from Charlotte’s Web would say, “What’s in it for me?”
Dear Curious: Aside from the camaraderie of huffing and puffing up a hill with your fellow cyclists? For one the there is the 2 course breakfast (1. coffee 2. doughnuts.) For another you will get a spiffy T-shirt that can be worn with pride and not too much embarrassment. Most importantly you can recapture your long lost youth, the joy of traveling under your own power, the wind in your thinning hair, and the sound of baseball cards hitting the spokes.

Gabby: When will I get my GABB T-shirt?
Dear Anxious: The shirts will be passed out the morning of the ride. You can wear it while you bike ride to ASCO, or you could save it and wear it at work, or you could just hide it your closet if you don’t like the color purple.

Started down, went up, back down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/08: 232

Lie Detecting Robot

John was a salesman’s delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11-year-old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over two hours late.

“Where have you been? Why are you over two hours late getting home?” asked John.

“Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,” said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

“Son,” said John, “this robot is a lie detector. Now tell us where you really were after school.”

“We went to Bobby’s house and watched a movie,” said Tommy.

“What did you watch?” asked Marsha.

“The Ten Commandments,” answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and slapped him again, knocking him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up from the floor, sat down, and said, “I am sorry I lied. We really watched an R-rated movie.”

“I am ashamed of you, son,” said John. “When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.” The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears, and said, “Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can’t be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!”

With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

G.A.B.B.

Donna and I rode the tandem to work today. We were not the only ones to Get to ASCO By Bike either, two other folks did as well. One was of course Mr. Bike Commuter Numero Uno, Willie, and an engineer from the front office, Gerry. While at an office function this morning, cake and insults for a co-worker who is leaving, Donna and I asked Gerry how far he rode and which way he came. His commute is almost twice as long as ours and he comes a direct route that takes him up busy US1 for the last mile and a half. We tried to explain our route that avoids that section of road, but couldn’t really get it across.

I got back to my desk to print out a Google map, but then realized I had something already drawn up showing our route from way back in the 90’s when we used to do a bike ride to work for other company employees during May (National Bike Month.) I got the company to sponsor the event and they bought doughnuts, bagels and coffee for the first year. The second year I talked them into T-shirts for the riders as well as breakfast. The first ride attracted 5 riders with Donna and I included to a peak at year 5 with over 30 riders on 2 different morning rides and an afternoon one for second shift. One year we even had a small group ride in at 11:00PM for 3rd shift.

Every year I would try and entice folks to ride starting in the beginning of May with flyers and what not stuck in their mailboxes. For the third year I did a mock David Letterman Top Ten Reasons to Ride to ASCO (keep in mind that it was 1994, so some of them are time sensitive.)

From the Home Office in Sioux City, Iowa….

David Letterman’s Top Ten Reasons for Doing GABB 3

10. Guaranteed not to get a speeding ticket like a certain talk show host.
9. To train for 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta.
8. Really cool noise that baseball cards make when hitting the spokes.
7. Lots safer than next month’s Get to ASCO By Skydiving.
6. After the ride, posterior will still feel better than Michael Fay‘s.
5. Never really appreciate the beauty of the Taj Mahal when speeding by in a car.
4. More thrilling than Space Mountain at Disney World when cars pass by real close going 55 M.P.H.
3. Sharon Stone and Tone Loc will be at the post ride party.
2. Daylight Doughnuts are a lot more nutritional than the usual Hardee’s Sausage Biscuit.
and the #1 reason for doing GABB 3…
This year’s T-shirt will be ISO 9002 certified.

Started down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/08: 230