Right now in Beijing it is:
And it’s Aiken Time too! Beijing is exactly 12 hours different, so all you have to do is change the A to P or vice versa to make it right for here on the east coast. Or in the case of this clock, do nothing:
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, “As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little ‘Oral Sex’ will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.”
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife’s room.
After a few minutes the woman’s monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses ran back into the room. “What happened!?” they cried.
The husband said, “I’m not sure; maybe she choked.”
Sometime in the last month or so my 5 month old monitor at work has started to lose it’s focus. At first I thought it was my eyes (hey, I’m getting old), but other stuff that far away was clear. It was slight at first, but a couple weeks ago it got so bad that now the first thing I have to do in the morning after logging on is to right click the desktop, select Properties, hit the Settings tab and change the color quality from 32 bit to 16 bit. I then change it back to 32 bit and everything becomes crisp and clear. What’s really weird is, I can drag that properties dialog box from one side of the monitor to the other, and on the left side it is fuzzy, on the right, crystal clear.
The city of Aiken must have a very strong tennis lobby. Five years ago there were six tennis courts and four basketball courts at the main recreation center. Three years ago they built 7 more tennis courts, including one really nice clay court. Two years ago they converted half of the basketball courts into a skate park with 8 or 10 aluminum half pipes, ramp, jumps and railings. Tonight on our way out to get an ice cream cone we passed by the rec center and I noticed they are resurfacing the skate park. Where do you think they moved all the aluminum apparatuses? On to a couple of the old tennis courts? Nope, they put them on one of the two remaining basketball courts…
I wish Mark had a blog, because he had a perfect post for tonight. He told me a little story this morning about buying a 12 pack of sodas on the way to work. I’d try and tell you about it, but I know I wouldn’t do it justice, let’s just say it involved a torn cardboard box and corralling errant cans in the parking lot of a quickie mart. Not just once, not twice, but three times, with it culminating with a pinhole in one can causing it to do what firemen call a wild hose.
Tomorrow — Racing A Doughnut Truck (and losing.)
Today our summer intern was lamenting the cost of going to college. Not so much just the tuition, but all the fees that get tacked on top, from a $400 lab fee, a $300 engineering fee, down to a parking sticker that is required, but doesn’t guarantee a spot and the 50¢ fee to print a piece of paper in the library. It put me in mind of the 1980 movie Popeye.
The Tax Man: You just docked?
Popeye: I has.
The Tax Man: Ah ha, let’s see here, that’ll be 25? docking tax.
Popeye: What for?
The Tax Man: Where’s your sea craft?
Popeye: It ain’t no sea craft, it’s me dinghy and it’s under the wharf.
The Tax Man: Ah ha. ahh-ha. This your goods?
Popeye: They is.
The Tax Man: Yeah. You’re new in town right?
Popeye: If you call this a town, yes.
The Tax Man: Well, first of all, there’s 17? new-in-town tax, and there’s 45? rowboat-under-the-wharf tax, and one dollar leaving-your-junk-lying-around-the-wharf tax, so all together, you owe the Commodore $1.87.
Popeye: Uh, who’s this Commodore?
The Tax Man: Is that the nature of question? There’s a nickel question tax.
…
Popeye: How come carrots is a dollar?
Geezil: $1.50. You buy what I don’t feel like selling will cost you $2.00.
Popeye: [Takes the carrots and tosses Geezil a nickel]
Geezil: Ah ah. Nope, this is a nickel.
Popeye: I’m payin’ what I feels like payin’.
The Tax Man: You’re not up to no good are you? Because if you are there’s a 25? up to no good tax.
Donna decided to mow the lawn yesterday evening around dusk, because it was as cool as it was going to be until about 3:00 AM this morning (and the neighbors might not appreciate it happening then), but she never did get it done. Never even started.
Because I never got the lawn mower started. After about 30 pushes of the little red button and 80 pulls on the cord thingie with no luck, I started to think there might be something wrong. The gas tank had plenty of fluid. I knocked a thin layer of dirt of the foam air cleaner filter. I removed the spark plug. AHA! The end of the plug that is stuck inside the engine was covered in an awful lot of black powder, sort of looked like a Wooly Willy face toy. I sprayed it with some brake cleaner and that got rid of the fuzz, but it was still so black that no light could escape it’s surface. I tried to small file I had and managed to turn it light gray, so I tried it in the mower again. After a half dozen pulls, I knew I wasn’t going to get the thing started.
Today, on the way home from work, we stopped in the little hardware store downtown and bought a Champion CJ8 spark plug. The lawn is now several inches shorter.
Mom and Dad took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel was in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.”
The next morning at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
“Gee, Mom,” the boy exclaimed. “Are those all for me?”
“Take two,” Mom replied, “The rest are for your dad.”
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