January
So That’s What That Switch Is For
Thursday the 25th
When we first moved into our home here in Fairview three months ago I went around testing each light switch to see what they controlled. There was one on a side wall of the main bedroom’s closet that was placed pretty high up. The closet light switch was at the right height and right by the door into there, so this second switch was a mystery.
I had the phone number of the previous owner, so I called him up to ask if he knew what that switch was for. He replied, “I have no idea what it does.” I told him, “I was going to get an electrician in for something else and when I did I’d get him to figure it out.” The previous owner’s response was, “Call and tell me, then we’ll both know.” I have never gotten around to the electrician thing. I had a hunch it was for the water heater because in that closet was a bump out that was perfect sized for one and close by to it was a whole house water shut off.
During our winter storm last week when we were close to losing power I got down a heavy blanket we had on the top shelf of the main closet in case we had to huddle under something to stay warm. The very next day when Donna went to shower she shouted, I have no hot water. I tried a different faucet or two and there wasn’t any hot water there either. With all the flickering and near misses at a power failure my first thought was a tripped breaker. The one labeled water heater was fine, but I cycled it anyway. My next thought was to see if there was a separate breaker on the water heater itself. As I was unscrewing the fasteners on that bump out I looked up and that mystery switch was in the down position! Aha!
I must have turned the switch to the down position when I dragged down that blanket, flipped it up and 20 minutes later we had hot water.
February
Groundhogs as Weathermen
Friday the 2nd
Pennsylvania’s Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow today, predicting that there will be an early spring. Overall, the Stormfax Almanac says, Punxsutawney Phil has only been right 39% of the time going back to his first recorded prediction in 1887.
Georgia’s General Beauregard Lee also did not see his shadow either, predicting that an early spring is in store for us. According to a recent analysis done by 538 for this sort of thing, General Beauregard Beau is accurate about how the winter/spring split will play out about 70% of the time.
Oregon’s Fairview Fred did see his shadow, meaning that there will be six more weeks of winter! I just made up the Fairview Fred thing, but if he was real he would have seen his shadow because we had an usual for here sunny day in February. Come back on March 19th and Fairview Fred will either be a 100% or 0% accurate.
March
Heat – Fuel – Oxygen
Wedesday the 20th
The 55+ community we live in has a nice little clubhouse where there are all kinds of interesting events planned for each month, from every Friday’s coffee and doughnuts to weekly Bingo to pot luck dinners for the big holidays.
Donna and I usually try to make the Friday coffee and doughnuts at least every other week, but have missed the last few because of the bathroom remodel, so we decided to head on over and attend a Fire Safety presentation given by the local Fire Department. There probably wouldn’t be any doughnuts, but they always have snacks of some sort available at these events.
Their prepared demonstration was mainly about kitchen fire safety because that is the place where far and away the most home fires start. Someone brought along their 6-year old granddaughter and she was what you would call very precocious. While most of us old folk sat and stared at the two Assistant Fire Marshalls that were giving the talk, she was peppering them with on-point questions.
At the end there was a little 5 question survey on how they did (not bad) and a giveaway of these papercraft tetrahedrons.
So wouldn’t you know it, tonight while making our dinner we actually violated one of the kitchen rules they preached, keep all flammable items away from the stove. We laid a couple of wooden trivets on the glass stovetop to place the cookie tray of Tater Tots from the oven on top to divvy them up on our plates. One of us had left a burner on medium that was used to cook the fish. Smoke started to waft from under tray. Luckily the thing didn’t actually ignite into flames.
April
Illegal Parking?
Saturday the 20th
Today’s errand was twofold, first I needed to drop off a couple of Amazon returns at Kohl’s and I had to pick up a few items at Fred Meyer. Fortunately they are in the same shopping center and only about 100-150 yards apart. As I got to front of Kohl’s a car was just leaving a parking spot only 3 deep in the lane, so I pulled right in. But, there was sign there that said “Reserved For Kohl’s Online Order Pick-Up Only.” I wasn’t going to be long and how are they going to know I’m not picking something up. After a short wait in line at the Amazon Drop-Off Kiosk I left the store and I thought about leaving the car there, but moved it over nearer to Fred Meyer.
Not because I was worried that I was going get a ticket or anything, but part of the grocery shopping included a couple of 12 packs of Sugar Free Ginger Ale and I’d have to schlep them and the other few items all the way back across the parking lot. My best laid plans fell thru almost immediately when Freddy didn’t have any of the Ginger Ale, plenty of regular, but no sugar-free. Everything else fit neatly in a grocery bag, so I could have easily left the Mini by Kohl’s. As I am about to get to the car Donna texted me from home that the fleece joggers I had ordered online from Kohl’s was ready.
Cool. Instead of driving over I opted to walk there and back, but now I get a pass for parking in that Kohl’s Online Order spot even though the timing was not exact. Walking through Kohl’s on my to their order pick up area I opened the email about my order and was greeted by the full email title, “Your Order Is Ready To Ship. Sigh. I turned around and headed back to the Mini in front of Fred Meyers.
I guess it was illegal parking after all.
May
Azaleas?
Tuesday the 14th
We have this stunning orange flowered plant right next to our front steps up to the porch. I had no idea what they are, but they look really great as a pop of color. There is actually another plant exactly like it on the other side of the street near the wall that defines the complex’s entrance.
We were sitting on our front porch the other day taking in the nice spring weather when a car that was leaving the complex stopped right across the street. The passenger got out of the car and walked over towards us and asked, “What kind of plant is that?” I replied, “I have no idea, but you might ask our neighbor across the street. She is outside working in her really nice garden right now.”
As he headed over there the woman driving said, “We are out looking for nice flowering plants because we lost a bunch in the ice storm we had.” I told her we did lose a few plants too. “You could always take a picture and Google it.” Turns out the gardening neighbor didn’t know what it was either, so I said, “Let me look it up.” I snapped a photo and image searched it. “Google says it is an azalea, but it doesn’t look like one to me.” Off they drove.
I was basing my negative on the azaleas we had in our yard back in Aiken, my memories of visiting Augusta National and from TV watching the Masters. But later that day I googled, “masters azaleas” and it turns out I was wrong, that flowering bush is in fact an azalea, but it is a mountain azalea which is different from the domesticated ones in our South Carolina yard.
June
Just When I Thought I Was Out
Friday the 21st
They pulled me back in.
Earlier this month my brother-in-law asked me how my Red Sox were doing and I really had no idea. I haven’t paid any attention for the last 3 or 4 years, curiosity peaked, I checked. In the AL East the Yankees were leading the division with the Baltimore Orioles a game back. The Red Sox along with the Rays and Blue Jays were battling for third place a whooping 15 games behind the MFY with all three hovering right around the .500 mark.
I looked ahead and last Saturday the Red Sox were going to be playing the Yankees with the game being Fox’s Saturday Game of the Week. When I tuned in, the game was between the Seattle Mariners and the Texas Rangers. I guess because I’m west of the Mississippi I wouldn’t care about those two northeastern teams. So when an email showed up in my inbox on Sunday about my last chance to get MLB.TV at half price for the rest of the season, I signed up.
I would like to think that the fact that the FRS have won 4 straight was because that I started watching their games, but I know better. I’m sure they will soon settle back into that middling win one, lose one scheme of the first half of the season.
July
Jordan Is A Car Guy
Saturday the 13th
We go through the dive-in line at Chick-Fil-A and when we get our order there are stickers on the both the drink lids and the food bags. The info on those stickers consist of which of the two lanes we are in, the name you gave the order person and a description of the vehicle. This lets the runners know the correct car to bring the food to.
We have been going to get that tasty chicken in numerous forms about once every 3 or 4 weeks since we have been here and every time the Vehicle ID is listed as a White or Silver SUV. Our regular ol’ Cooper, not a Clubman or Countryman, has only two doors and when was the last time an SUV was produced with just two doors?
Today our stickers said Silver Coupe because Jordan must be a car guy and he correctly knew Mini does not equal SUV and 2-doors equals coupe.
August
Eeek!
Friday the 30th
A couple of evenings ago I was sitting in front of the PC in the guest room when I heard Donna squeal my name loudly from the living room. When I got to the living room, she told me that a giant spider just ran across the floor in front of her and dashed down the hallway towards where I was.
I didn’t see anything when I came down that hallway, so I turned on the flashlight on my phone and started looking for the spider. Under anything, on the floors and even walls. Nothing. Donna’s sense of scale is skewed a lot smaller than mine, anything over a 1/2? in diameter to her is giant. To get labeled giant by me the spider has to be at least 2 inches.
After my fruitless search I wanted to get a more accurate size from her, so I asked her if it was as big as the laptop’s mouse figuring if I went over the top, she would give a me a much smaller estimate. But I was wrong, she said, “Yeah, that big.” There were no further sightings that night.
Last night I was in the kitchen making her evening sleepy tea when from the living room I heard her cry, “There it is again!” I popped out and said, “Which way did it go?” “She pointed and said, “By the desk.” I hustled back into the kitchen to grab a couple paper towels and went over to the desk. Crap, there was a large brown mass on the floor pushed up in the corner of the desk and the wall. Well okay, that is kind of giant. I grabbed it with the paper towels and squeezed to kill it.
She was wrong as to it being as large as the laptop’s mouse, it was maybe half that size. She was also wrong that it was a spider, when I opened the paper towel, I realized it wasn’t a spider at all, it was an honest to God mouse of the rodent variety.
September
Really?
Friday the 27th
Made a run to Goodwill today to donate a few things that have been stacked on the futon for a couple months. There were a couple pair of half worn down sneakers, a pair of old towels, two bathmats and several other random things.
When I tried to put the gray cloth bathmat in the women’s bin she shook her head no, so I tossed it back in the car. The very next item I tried to put in the bin was the other bathmat. I figured I get waved off again because this one was a dingy looking rubber one that goes in the tub. But, nope, she let me donate it.
I thought for sure the fabric, because it could be thrown in a washing machine, would have been okay and rubber with suction cups on the bottom would have been rejected.
October
Post vs. Kellogg
Friday the 18th
I got rid of Discovery+ and I cancelled the Premium & Ad Free levels of Peacock which saved enough for me to get Netflix as a replacement. I have no idea how long it will stay, but for sure there are quite a few new things I can watch. Plus there a lot of older shows that we might have seen and enjoyed, so they might be worth a re-watch.
I know I wanted to see My Next Guest Needs No Introduction With David Letterman. The first episode was with Jerry Seinfeld. The second one was with Former President Obama. Which reminded me of the Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee episode with then President Obama. So I started re-watching those Jerry Seinfeld’s CICGC shows. The ever helpful algorithm at Netflix recommended other Seinfeld stuff, the entire 9 seasons of the TV show or his stand up specials or the movie Unfrosted.
Hey, I remember seeing the trailer for Unfrosted and though it might be worth trying. It had a bunch of funny people in the cast too. I checked IMDB to see what rating it got, 5.5. well it can’t be half bad. Last evening I sat down to watch it, you know what, it was half bad. The only thing the movie did was make me quit somewhere watching in the middle and go to the kitchen to heat up a couple Pop Tarts.
November
What I’m Thankful For Today
Wednesday the 12th
My drivers license photo, my new Real ID drivers license photo.
When Donna and I first got our Oregon drivers license back in early 2020 There was something off about the camera that they couldn’t adjust out with any settings so, our pictures were totally washed out. I resemble what I imagine a real vampire would look like just before requiring a feeding, totally devoid of any color.
A couple of weeks ago I made an appointment at the DMV to get a new license. The primary reason for the new one was I wanted to get a Read ID version of a license so I wouldn’t have to use my passport to get on an airplane. The second reason was to update my address to the Fairview one. Not really a reason, but more of a accidental benefit was getting a better photo. It arrived today, big win with the photo, it is not bad for a driver’s license photo.
December
Extra Extra
Sunday the 29th
For my morning coffee I use Dunkin’ K-Cups sweetened with Dunkin’ Creamer Extra Extra to as closely mimic the Dunkin’ experience as possible. Sometime early on in our lives here in Fairview, our go-to grocery store, Fred Meyer, stopped carrying Extra Extra. This meant that about once a month I would have to drive to the Safeway a mile or so further than the Fred Meyers, and buy two 32oz bottles of the Dunkin’ creamer. I could also get it at an Albertson’s about the same distance away as Safeway, just in the exact opposite direction.
This morning after fixing my normal cup of coffee I knew that I wouldn’t have enough Extra Extra to last me until the end of the week. I headed over to Safeway and there weren’t any bottles of Dunkin’ creamer. There weren’t any open slots where the Extra Extra would have gone. Hmmmm, did they stop carrying it too? Was it worth it to even try Albertsons seeing as they are the same company as Safeway? In the end, I thought it might be worth it. It wasn’t. This store had the same set up as Safeway, no Extra Extra and no empty spot for it.
Now I have a vague recollection of buying some Extra Extra at a Walmart. Maybe here, maybe Klamath Falls or maybe my imagination. The closest Walmart is all the way back over near the Safeway I left a while back. Another hazy communication bubbled to the surface from the depths of my mind, “Use the Walmart App Luke.” Dang, could have used it before driving over to Albertson’s. All that Walmart had for Dunkin’ creamer was the seasonal Pumpkin Spice.
Now I’m worried, have they stopped making it? The horrors! So, I head back home in a funk. What’s a guy to do? Give up coffee? Drive over to Stomping Grounds and buy a $6 latte every morning? I google, “Has Dunkin’ stopped making Extra Extra creamer?” The answer returns in milliseconds, “No they have not stopped making it and is available at several retailers like Target, Walgreen’s…” SHIT!!
There is a Target store three quarters of a mile closer to me than even Fred Meyer. I know this because I pass right by it once a week on my loop to get that $6 latte at Stomping Grounds. I guess I’ll take the short drive over in the morning to see. I they don’t I’ll guess that I’ll buy one of those Stomping Grounds lattes to drown my sorrows.
Ed. Note: I thought I’d be nice and not put this at the top of the post like I first thought, because every time I say, or even think about, this post’s title I hear it in the voice of the Little Caesars cartoon guy saying, “Pizza Pizza.” I was trying to avoid you catching that little ear worm of mine. You probably only did that once here instead of the other eight times in the body of the post.
