Year: 2006

The Rat

A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at everything, he notices a very lifelike life-sized bronze statue of a rat.

It has no price tag, but is so striking that he decides he must have it.

He takes it to the owner and asks, “How much for the bronze rat?”

The owner replies, “$12 for the rat and $100 for the story”.

The tourist gives the man $12 and says, “I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story.”

As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a few real rats have crawled out of the alleys and sewers and begun following him down the street.

This is disconcerting, and he begins walking faster. But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him has grown to hundreds, and they begin squealing. He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now number in the MILLIONS, and are squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay, and throws the bronze rat as far out into the water as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay after it and are all drowned.

The man walks back to the curio shop.

“Ah ha,” says the owner, “you have come back for the story?”

“No,” says the man, “I came back to see if you have a bronze [insert current villainous group here].”

Started down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/06: 136

It’s An Action Figure, Not A Doll

From the trailer to Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest due in theaters July 7th.

Elizabeth Swann: There will come a moment when you have the chance to do the right thing.
Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.

The merchandising is already starting to crank up. We were in Target the other night looking for a swim cap for Donna. She wanted to go to our health club and swim in the pool and didn’t want to frighten any other swimmers with her recently shorn pate. We found a couple different ones to choose from and opted for the more expensive silicone one over the vinyl. Right next to the sporting goods was the toy section where the end of one aisle was loaded with boxes full of “Talking Mr. Cotton’s Parrots” and skull & crossbones alarm clocks. I wandered further down the aisle and found some TDPM II action figures. There was a sword slashing Jack Sparrow that I just had to have, it was destiny, Cap’t Jack was $7.99, exactly what the swim cap cost…

In other movie news: This September you will be able to step back to 1977 and relive the greatest movie of all time the way it was presented back then. That’s right, just in time for winter solstice gift giving season, the Star Wars Trilogy as they were originally run in the movie theaters arrive as “bonus” material on 2-disc DVD sets of each title.

Started down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/06: 136

39,000 Dust Enhanced Water Spots

Thirty-nine thousand flickered by on the digital odometer during the trip home from work today.

When I picked up the car from the body shop they had washed and waxed the back part of the car (the parts they painted), but didn’t really clean the front. Sunday’s rain left behind spots on the hood of coagulated body shop dust. I have been meaning to wash the car for the past couple of days, but they have been calling for rain. The last chance of precipitation for a while past this morning, so tonight when I got home I broke out the hose and bucket.

While cleaning the car I noticed a couple of things that need addressing from the body shop. When closing the trunk the sound has been a little different. Does the latch need replacing or is it because the trunk is off align of straight by about 1 degree? There are also a couple of dust pimples in the pain on the left trailing edge of the trunk lid. There is also what looks like a milky haze in the clearcoat in a couple spots on the trunk and left fender. The kicker is what at first I thought was dirt and suntan lotion build up on the shift knob turned out to be several small scratches in the clear coating on it. Guess I’ll give them a call tomorrow.

Started down, went up, back down, back up, down again, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/06: 136

OK, So Maybe It Could Get A Little Better

They could have won the game.

Tonight the game is a little closer, we are down 3-2 in the seventh inning, but the FRS have so far left 13 men on base. They have been left loaded 3 times. Great catches by Yankee outfielders have pulled back home runs from over the fence. Breaks are all going New York’s way, including (bad pun and slightly offensive) Hideki Matsui’s wrist.

Doesn’t Get Much Better Than This

Up until 2004 the final standings didn’t matter if you were Red Sox fan, the success of the season was measured by how well you did against the Yankees. My mom waitressed at a neighborhood bar/restaurant and every year she had a $1 a game bet with the owner/bartender Yankee fan. In both good or bad years for either team they always played there best ball against each other. Believe me it wasn’t about winning big bucks, because more often than not the season series was decided by just one game. That single dollar bill was then placed in a prominent place to be lorded over the other person all off season.

Tonight is the middle game of a three game Yankees – Red Sox series and it is on ESPN, so I’m watching as I type. While I don’t have a buck a game bet thing, I do have a manager who is a Yankees fan and we do a bit of back and forth depending on who is winning. Last night the Red Sox trounced the Yanks 14 to 3. This morning I kept my mouth shut when I walked by him in the hall, he was so expecting a taunt of some kind he actually called after me. I told him I didn’t want to say anything because tonight the FRS could be on the losing end of such a score. I guess I must be psychic because here in the 6th inning the Yankees are up 6 to 3 and are threatening to score some more.

Depending on which Tim Wakefield shows up on the mound tomorrow, the Bosox will be up 3-1 in the season series or they could be tied with two wins a piece. That is, for at least the next 10 days, when the rivalry resumes on the 22nd with a three game set at Fenway. Doesn’t get much better than this.

Started down, went up, back down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/06: 132

Hope She Thinks They’re From Me

plantSub-Titled: That’s The Last Time Donna’ll Let Me Do That Unsupervised

It’s coming up on Mother’s Day, so if you’ve got one, better start planning a gift. It is time for us to pick out some flowers or a plant to be delivered to my Mom in Connecticut. We always used to do flowers, but somewhere along the way Mom mentioned she hated to throw away the flowers after they got all ooey. She suggested we get her a plant, something that could be transplanted and enjoyed for more than a week or so.

For the last couple of year’s we have been buying and sending the Mother’s Day plant using the internet. Usually we do this together, because being a guy, I can’t always be relied upon to pick out the best gift. This year Donna let me try on my own, after all it is for my Mom. Not being much of a shopper when it comes to these sort of things, I usually pick whoever has an ad running on the front page of Yahoo. This year’s lucky recipient of our business was proflowers.com. I picked out a nice large 6″ potted Ventricosa Heather plant in a decorative tin basket for $30 (+ $10 for delivery.) When I showed Donna what I had bought she was pleased. Then she asked me what I put on the card I told her, “Happy Mother’s Day, what did you think?” She then replied, “Did you put ‘Love Brian & Donna’ on it?”

Oooops.

Started down, went up, back down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/06: 130

Global Warming – Bah!

We just came back from a friend’s son’s baseball game. Donna had turtleneck under her jacket, I had two t-shirts on under mine and we sat huddled under a blanket. The temps were in the upper 50’s and it was misty, so we left after the 5th inning because we were c-c-cold.

We still rode home with the top down though (the windows and the windblocker were up, plus the temp knob was 3/4 of the way hot.)

Started down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/06: 128